This story is near and dear to my heart. Back when I was a materials engineer, I worked on the team that developed a new alloy used on the external tank of the space shuttle. The metal was much lighter than ones previously used, and this allowed more cargo to be carried inside the shuttle. Very cool project. However, the reality is that the shuttle technology is 20+ years old. It's time to modernize the space program. And let's actually get back into space. We've been low-orbit bound far too long. Back to the moon, and on to Mars.

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And double crap. I always enjoyed watching Jerry Orbach, whether on the big screen or the small. So long, Jerry. You will be missed.

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And this time, it's Motrin(ibuprofen). Blindness? Stevens-Johnson Syndrome/Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis? Ugh. And remember when Reyes Syndrome caused people to stop taking aspirin? Or maybe most of you aren't old enough to remember actually taking aspirin.

Aspirin. Naproxen. Ibuprofen. As soon as they discover something untoward about acetaminophen, we'll all be able to enjoy pain-filled lifes. Yippee.

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A man goes to the hospital with an infected leg. In fact, the infection is so severe that amputation becomes necessary. So the doctor lops off the other leg.

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Really. Just shut your ever loving pie-hole, you political agenda driven mental effing midgets. Heat wave? Global warming. Cold snap? Global warming. Earthquake? Global warming. Socks don't match? Global warming. Your favorite NFL team loses? Global warming. Martha Stewart? A morality tale of capitalism taken to its logical conclusion. Which causes global warming.

Right after I heard about the tsunami disaster, I predicted to my wife that global warming, and therefore the US, would be blamed for the earthquake. My wife, sweet, trusting person that she is, thought I was full of crap. Okay, she has a point, but I was correct. History books are being re-edited right now and a new entry is being added: "George Bush responsible for 60,000 deaths around the Indian Ocean."

I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Update: Dean has a more reasoned response, but the gist is the same.

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It might be a while before I go back.

Steven Taylor links to a story that calls into question the sanity of the people and the legislators in that state. I can't decide which bothers me more: the fact that noodling was actually illegal(I figure it's natural selection at work if you grab snakes with your bare hands) or the fact that the state took the time to deliberate this issue.

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Anheuser Busch sues for being excluded due to their product not actually being beer

A study at Tuft's University has determined that drinking beer can help bone density. Excerpt:

“[Tufts’ Katherine] Tucker recently participated in a study that showed beer, either dark or light, protects bone mineral density,” reported The Harford Courant.

According to Tucker – associate professor of nutrition at the Friedman School of Nutrition Science and Policy – the alcoholic beverage contains high levels of an ingredient which allows the deposit of calcium and other minerals into bone tissue.

“The reason, we think, is that beer is a major contributor to the diet of silicon,” the Tufts expert, who is director of the nutritional epidemiology program at the Friedman School, told the Courant.

And protecting bones may not be the only health benefit of beer. Another recent study found that moderate consumption of dark beer – which contains antioxidants that help prevent clogged arteries -- may reduce risk of heart disease.

"Honey, I'm not brewing beer; I'm creating the elixir of life." Yeah, that'll work.

Thanks to TMQ for providing the link.

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Because Zima gave the cows diarrhea.

Time for the nation's dairy farmers to get with the program. Imagine Guinness flavored milk, straight from the tap(so to speak). Agricultural colleges would see a huge spike in their attendance.

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Apparently, Christopher Lee knows. Doctor Suarez has the scoop, which sadly I won't see until after Christmas; I know for a fact that I'm getting the Extended DVD edition of "The Return of the King" on December 25. Anyway, excerpt:

As Jackson directed Lee on how to perform the scene, Lee had to intervene (paraphrased):

"That's not what it sounds like when a man is stabbed in the back"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Well, when I was serving in British Intelligence during the war, you often had to sneak up on a German, and when you stab the chap, it's more of a gasp than a--"

"Okay! Uh, great. Do it your way" (Backs off slowly)

Voice like a cello. A brother in tall-dom. A true Tolkien fan that puts poseurs like me to shame. And now, someone who may have killed a fascist with his own hands. That's the kind of actor we need.

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You will be missed.

So I finally started catching up on the backlog of blogs I read when I discovered this post over at Rishon's place. The comments she displayed from this Europundits's post explains a lot. I won't do pity, and not just because Steven doesn't want any. I can do sympathy, though. My niece's brother-in-law just buried his second child at the tender age of 4 months; their first child survived until the age of 6 months. Both children suffered from a terminal genetic disease which caused all of their muscles to degenerate at an extremely rapid pace. Children diagnosed with that disorder rarely celebrate their first birthday, and never the second. On a less somber note, my brother-in-law's mother-in-law suffers from MS. Debilitating, of course, but not lethal. At least, not for her. And she doesn't want pity, either.

I remember stumbling onto USS Clueless via Asparagirl's old site. My first thoughts upon seeing the Star Trek-like header weren't positive; then I started reading. It was like a breath of fresh air. At work, I'm surrounded by people who have only a tenuous relationship with facts and logic. Reading den Beste always brightened my day, even when I disagreed with him. Especially so on those occasions. In any event, I will miss reading his words. Take care, Steven.

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In honor of the first snowfall in the Richmond area this year, I give you the following re-post:
========================================

 Snow... Snow... Snow... Snow...

     *    *          *     * *  *   *   *   *   *  * *  *

  * *  * *  *     * * *  *  *  *  *    *   * * *  *

     *     *   *       *     *      *   *    *     *        *

  Diary of a Snow Shoveler

  December 8:  6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season

  and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window

  watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.  It looked like

  a Grandma Moses Print.  So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.  I

  love snow!

  December 9:  We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow

  covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there

  be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best

  idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a

  boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.  This afternoon the

  snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the

  driveway, so I got to shovel again.  What a perfect life.

  December 12:  The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

  disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely

  have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful!  Bob says

  we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see

  snow again. l don't think that's possible.  Bob is such a nice man I'm glad

  he's our neighbor.

  December 14:  Snow lovely snow!  8" last night. The temperature

  dropped to -20.  The cold makes  everything sparkle so. The wind took my

  breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is

  the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything

  again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,

  but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.  I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

  December 15:  20 inches forecast.  Sold my van and bought a 4x4

  Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the

  freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.

  I think that's silly.  We aren't in Alaska, after all.

  December 16:  Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the

  driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an

  hour. Which I think was very cruel.

  December 17:  Still way below freezing.  Roads are too icy to go

  anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets

  on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to

  irritate her.  Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit

  it to her.   God I hate it when she's right.  I can't believe I'm freezing

  to death in my own living room.

  December 20:  Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn

  stuff  last night.  More shoveling. Took all day.  Goddamn snowplow came

  by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're

  too busy playing hockey.  I think they're lying.  Called the only

  hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're

  out.  Might have another shipment in March.  I think they're lying.  Bob

  says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.  I think he's lying.

  December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more

  inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't

  melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to

  shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and

  dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a

  plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.

  I think the asshole is lying.

  December 23:  Only 2" of snow today.  And it warmed up to 0o. The wife

  wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she

  nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she

  did but I think she's lying.

  December 24:  6".  Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the

  shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a

  bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls.

  I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling

  and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow

  all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas

  carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the

  goddamn snowplow.

  December 25:  Merry Christmas.  20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1

  slop tonight.  Snowed in.  The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.  God

  I hate the snow!  Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation

  and I hit him over the head with my shovel.  The wife says I have a bad

  attitude. I think she's an idiot.  If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful

  Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.

  December 26:  Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It

  was all HER idea.  She's really getting on my nerves.

  December 27:  Temperature dropped to -30o  and the pipes froze.

  December 28:  Warmed up to above -50.  Still snowed in.  THE BITCH is

  driving me crazy!!!!!

  December 29:  10 more inches.  Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it

  could cave in.  That's the silliest thing I ever heard.  How dumb does

  he think I am?

  December 30:  Roof caved in.  The snow plow driver is suing me for a

  million dollars.  The wife went home to her mother.  9" predicted.

  December 31:  Set fire to what's left of the house.  No more

  shoveling.

  January 8:  I feel so good.  I just love those little white pills they

  keep giving me.  Why am I tied to the bed?

  *    *              *  *   *   *   *   *  * *  *

  * *  * *  *     * * *  *  *  *  *    *   * * *  *

     *     *   *       *     *      *   *    *     *        *

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I finally watched part of The Hulk last night. Not the best movie I've ever seen. However, it did have something going for it, or rather, someone: Jennifer Connelly. I've had a crush on her since she was the pretty girl in Labyrinth; she's matured into a simply gorgeous woman. Evidence provided in the extended link below.

I warned you. Stop fucking hot-linking to this site. The next picture that gets hotlinked will be renamed and replaced with a pile of dogshit. So cut it out. more...

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Just because Harvey really liked these, I'm posting some more just like 'em:

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green, Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's Not Unusual."

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up
and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor,
doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

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Wolcott never had a chance. If you're going to start a battle of wits with James Lileks, it's best not so show up unarmed. I know that Wolcott thinks he's being witty; he's only half right.

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I failed to mention how some French teenagers beat up a Santa Claus, mainly due to the fact that nothing about the French surprise me anymore. Okay, I raise my eyebrows when they actually bathe themselves, but that's about it. Anyway, a friend of mine made the following observation, which I believe is quite accurate:

The teens were probably upset with him since Santa surrenders items just once a year.

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Dean discusses how the swastika wasn't always associated with Nazi Germany. I mentioned this to some people at work the other day and most of them thought that I was making it up; Googling the issue cured most of their skepticism. Anyway, Dean provides some useful links amongst his observations. It's well worth checking out. Go forth and seek knowledge.

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I'm married; this isn't even on my Santa list. Okay, it was for our military personnel, not for me. But I still like it. A lot. Click the extended entry below.

Update: Looks like our boys in uniform appreciated Rachel's gift to them. more...

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But what if you don't want to be plugged in?

Jonah provided a link to a possible future for the media, both new and old. Sure, EPIC looks cool and all, but I miss Googlezon already. ::sniff::

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Eat what you want, when you want, and maybe weigh less anyway. Or maybe weigh more. I'm still confused by this story, and my undergraduate degree is in physics. However, since John Anderson hasn't figured out the problem after working on it for 20 years, I don't feel so bad.

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Medal of Honor en route

I read this story twice and I still don't get it. A cripple threatens you with scissors? Unless he's sitting within stabbing distance, or used to be a knife thrower in the circus, you can defend yourself by stepping away from the would be assailant. Tasering him seems to be a bit of overkill, but that's just me.

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